...I've always known this was going to be hard.. I always knew there was going to be that chance of things not working, deceit, infidelity, doubt, fear.. But I also always knew that with him is where I belong, where I wanted to be in the future, he saved me from myself, he's my best friend... But still I feel incontent. Naturally less so when things are going well and more so when things are sour.. But if he is all those great things to me, if I have been crowned with the title of the most intense degree that a relationship can be, if I have the ring to prove that I'll never be along again.. If I've have all the answers to all my concerns and questions.. then why am I still searching? Not necessarily searching for another person, but another justification.. another reason to make me believe that this was the right - or wrong - choice, to be completely honest. Apart of me always knew that this was too good to be true. A part of me always knew that the search really is over, he really is the one. I know this, I know all of this. So I suppose I shouldn't be alarmed at anything... because all along I've known the possibilities of complication and reward that this relationship could offer.
This might be forward and perhaps even premature. After all, nothing else is truly known about me other than my sign is capricorn and my best friend is Samantha. But, there's also another part of me as you can probably guess by now. I have um, another half and for cliche's sake, this person is my 'better half'. What? Better half? You mean? Yes. You're thinking right.. not only am I in a relationship, but I am the 'm' word: married. One year and ten months today, my significant other and I had a private ceremony in a small chapel. It wasn't planned and nobody other than us and the pastor was present, nor knew. No bells and whistles. No expensive gown, pages of guest list names, three-tiered cake, the perfect venue, the first dance as husband and wife, none of that. It was just me and him. Just us. It was our moment. Not my moment drenched in articulate planning.. just our moment. It was/is one of the very few moments we have together where it is just us. What do I mean by this? Well I literally mean I rarely have a moments with him, period. You see, we live 570 miles apart most of the time, some times it goes as far as oceans apart... He's military, a petty officer in the US Navy. If you're wondering how this kind of relationship works where you only see each other two, three, times a year and if you're thinking that it is 'hard'. . My answer is to the first question is: it doesn't. We barely get by, I'll admit it. And I'm not going to describe it as 'hard'.. but rather, very demanding. Yet one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. However, I still wonder, still hope, still worry, still dream ..I still search for those answers I knew all along...
Now aren't the waters muddied quite so?
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